| Most of us have been manipulated at some point | | | | right to walk away from it. |
| in our lives. It may have come from someone we | | | | Be careful here though. If you choose to say no, |
| love or someone we need something from. We | | | | the other person may try to use guilt to |
| may have been manipulated by a friend or a | | | | persuade you to do this thing with nothing in |
| social group. It is possible to have been | | | | return for you. You'd be surprised how many |
| manipulated by our employers, customers or our | | | | people will take that deal instead. Don't be one of |
| vendors. How are they doing this to us? What | | | | them. Turn it right back around and let them |
| can we do to identify when we are being | | | | know that they came to you with a proposal that |
| manipulated, and how can we stop it? | | | | was supposed to be win/win. Walk away with a |
| Here are 5 ways you allow yourself to be | | | | win/win proposal or be prepared to say no to the |
| manipulated. | | | | whole thing. |
| 1. Guilt | | | | 4. Trust Without Verification |
| Someone you love or respect asks you to do | | | | Contracts probably evolved out of this scenario. |
| something that you find completely unreasonable. | | | | This is where someone promises you something |
| They insist that you should do it because they | | | | in exchange for your favor, products or services |
| believe you should. Then, when they see that | | | | and then doesn't deliver after you fulfill your |
| their request is going nowhere or that you need | | | | promise. This comes about when we trust |
| extra motivation, they turn on the guilt. If it's a | | | | someone without verifying that they have the |
| parental figure, they may say that they are only | | | | means, track record, or true desire to fulfill their |
| asking you for a small favor after caring for you | | | | end of the bargain. They tell you everything you |
| their entire lives. A friend may quip that this is | | | | want to hear to motivate you towards action, |
| nothing compared to the favor they did for you | | | | and then leave you high and dry after they get |
| last month. A love relation may state that as a | | | | what they want. |
| partner, you should just do these things without | | | | This situation happens everyday between families, |
| having to be convinced. | | | | associates, handshake deals between business |
| All of these messages have an underlying tinge of | | | | partners, and situations where you need the |
| shame within them. They are basically saying, | | | | backing of a big business that has all of the |
| "you should be ashamed of yourself for not | | | | resources. In non-business deals, ask the other |
| wanting to do this for me." So, in an effort to not | | | | person to take measurable action steps towards |
| feel bad, or have them look at you in a less than | | | | what they've promised you as you do the same |
| favorable light, we do the very thing we did not | | | | towards what you promised them. That way, you |
| want to do. Whenever someone is trying to guilt | | | | don't complete all of the work and have nothing |
| you into doing something, they are not loving you | | | | to show for it. Instead, you complete 10% of the |
| in that moment. This isn't to say they don't love | | | | work and can see if you are receiving 10% of |
| you. It is to say that they are using your love of | | | | the benefit. Then, you move on to the next |
| them against you so that you either do what | | | | major milestone percentage (25% for example). |
| they say or feel bad for not doing so. | | | | If this is a business deal, sign a contract. The |
| To avoid the guilt trip, you have to know that | | | | best-case scenario is to have a lawyer either |
| your proof of loving them does not reside in doing | | | | write or review the contract before signing. A |
| this act. Your love of them resides in your heart, | | | | large company may unfairly only give you hours |
| regardless of what you decide to do in this one | | | | or days to "make up your mind or the deal is off |
| instance. Once you are secure enough in your | | | | the table." That type of language should serve as |
| knowledge of your love, decide what you want to | | | | a red flag that you are being manipulated into |
| do. Do it, or don't do it, but be guilt free either | | | | signing an agreement that is something other than |
| way. | | | | what was promised to you. Ask for the time you |
| 2. Fear of Loss | | | | need to properly review the contract. If money |
| When someone asks you, or tells you, to do | | | | for a lawyer is an issue, find a Pre-Paid Legal |
| something or else they will take something away, | | | | company that is right for you. Often, you can |
| that is the fear of loss at work. It might be the | | | | have access to legal services like reviewing |
| employer that asks you to "stretch the truth", | | | | contracts for less than $20/month. |
| and when you hesitate, they casually mention | | | | The bottom line is that you can trust, but verify. |
| how tight the bonus pool will be this year. It's the | | | | Ensure that your end of the deal is coming before |
| lover who threatens you with a lack of intimacy | | | | fully delivering your end, or cement the |
| that evening. It's the social group that pulls back | | | | agreement in a written and signed contract. If |
| your inclusion because you aren't "one of them" | | | | you don't, you'll find yourself angry and |
| unless you participate or do as they ask. | | | | manipulated. |
| Let's call this what it is. These are blatant threats. | | | | 5. Pride |
| If you don't do what someone else asks you to | | | | Has anyone ever said that you weren't the best |
| do, you will lose. You find yourself especially | | | | if you didn't do a certain thing? How about the |
| troubled when you are asked to do something | | | | threat of being considered not good enough if you |
| that compromises your morals, values or sense | | | | didn't do what they asked? Both are plays on |
| of what's right. | | | | your pride. They are either setting you up with |
| In these situations, you must lean on your | | | | the reward of being considered the best and the |
| spirituality. Remember that the world operates on | | | | threat of everyone knowing you were not good |
| a principle of abundance and not scarcity. If you | | | | enough at the same time. |
| decide to stand up for yourself and your personal | | | | "You know, Joe was able to lift that couch by |
| belief system, know that other opportunities will | | | | himself when he helped me move in. Are you |
| come if the loss is real. If you choose to do | | | | saying he's stronger than you?" "Stacy was able |
| what's being asked of you, then do so for | | | | to baby sit my 3 kids and they had a great time |
| reasons that you are comfortable with. Just | | | | with her. If you don't think YOU can do it, that's |
| remember that compromising your morals will | | | | ok." "Gloria sold $150,000 in business last month. I |
| leave you with an even bigger loss than anything | | | | guess she's just better than you are if you can't |
| someone else can take away from you. | | | | at least match what she did." I think you get the |
| 3. Manipulation Disguised As Influence | | | | point on how it is presented to you. Here's the |
| Manipulation is rooted in a win/lose relationship. | | | | problem. Your need to be the best is rooted in |
| The person with the request wins and you lose. | | | | insecurity. You need other people to validate your |
| Your loss could be time, love, money, respect, | | | | worth. It is because of this that others can so |
| opportunity, satisfaction, etc. Their win will be in | | | | easily manipulate you into doing major things and |
| these very same categories. However, influence is | | | | all you get in return is the title of being the best. |
| rooted in a win/win relationship. The person with | | | | You think this is win/win, but who really wins? |
| the request has factored in how you can win and | | | | Set goals, and then pursue them. Don't stop until |
| how they can win. There is balance, sensibility and | | | | you reach them. Know your self worth internally. |
| practicality with influence. There is imbalance and | | | | Don't let anyone else's judgment of what you can |
| irrationality with manipulation. | | | | and can't do mean more to you than your own. |
| Usually, influence is being disguised as Fear of Loss | | | | Remember that any recognition you seek outside |
| or a Promise of Pleasure that is not really there | | | | of yourself is giving control of your self-esteem |
| or not equal to what the other gains. When you | | | | to someone else. Another person's success can |
| receive this proposal, remember that you can and | | | | serve as a marker, but you should never stake |
| should negotiate the terms of the agreement until | | | | your self-esteem on doing what they did. Keep |
| they are more favorable for both of you. After | | | | you ego in check, AND accomplish what you set |
| all, the other person approached you with an | | | | out to do because it's what makes sense for you. |
| arrangement that is supposed to be beneficial to | | | | Don't do it to grandstand, show boat or declare |
| both of you. You have the right to negotiate that. | | | | that you are the best. There will always be |
| If you cannot reach a deal, you also have the | | | | someone better coming along. |