How to Use Tai Chi Principles Against Verbal and Emotional Abuse

Wuji (pronounced "woo-zhee") is an importanttrying to push your buttons, or throw you
concept in Taoism and Chinese culture. It is aoff-balance either because of their own imbalance
state of absolute balance -- perfect peace andor for their own benefit. Your goal, then, is to
harmony. It is limitless and infinite.regain wuji as quickly as possible and be at peace.
When everything begins moving and you loseDon't give your attacker a target. Their allow their
balance, you also lose wuji.verbal and emotional attacks to find a place to
In the Taoist view of the universe, if we were toland.
look at it from a modern scientific view, theHow do you do this? One effective method is to
universe was in a state of wuji just before thedetach from the emotion that normally happens in
Big Bang. There was a state of perfect peacethis type of situation. Instead of letting yourself
and then all hell broke loose. Things separated intoget angry, relax, calm down and feel sorry for
yin and yang. Dogs and cats living together --the person. Consider how unhappy their life must
MASS HYSTERIA! (Sorry, I watchedbe to cause them to lash out this way. This is the
Ghostbusters a lot when my daughters werebest way to deal with people who act crazy on
little)the highways. Instead of reacting with anger, try
When you see someone performing Tai Chi, theyrelaxing and calming your mind and body instead.
begin in a relaxed stance, standing with their feetIt isn't always easy to react with calmness when
together. This represents wuji. They step outsomeone at work is behaving in a way that can
with their left foot and stand with their feetthreaten your income and security. In those
shoulder-width apart, then they relax again. I'veinstances, you must often take action, as you
done this with Grandmaster Chen Xiaowang,would against a physical attack, but focus only on
whose ancestor created Tai Chi. When he'sthe behavior of the person, with a calm and clear
leading a group of students in a form, and he hasexplanation of how damaging it is to you and the
moved to this first position with feetcompany. Explain it to them, letting them know
shoulder-width apart, he says very slowly, "Calmyou won't accept it, and if necessary, take it to
down." This is also wuji. Once the form begins,their supervisor.
things are moving up and down, opening andI was the news director at a TV station when an
closing, becoming empty and full -- the body isegotistical reporter behaved very badly and
following the yin and yang and seeking to return,treated the assignment editor with disrespect in
at the end of the movements, to wuji.front of the staff. I sat her down, with the
Many people don't realize that Tai Chi is aassignment editor as a witness (he was her
powerful martial art. When using Tai Chi forsupervisor), and explained to her why such rude
self-defense, the goal is to maintain wuji -- balancebehavior wasn't acceptable. Her reaction wasn't
and harmony; to remain centered. When someonepretty -- she exploded with anger. I gave her 30
attacks, and you must adapt and change to dealdays to either behave more professionally or
with the force, your goal is to return to wuji --leave.
the state of balance you were in before theAfter the meeting, the assignment editor said,
attack."That was classic! Every time she exploded, you
The goal is to greet force by relaxing, adapting,calmly steered the conversation back to her
neutralizing the force and putting your opponentbehavior. You didn't let her control the situation."
off-balance, making him vulnerable for aShe failed in her efforts to put me off-balance.
counter-attack.She was off-balance, because in the past, before
I enjoy working with people who have neverI was her manager, she had gotten away with
studied Tai Chi. Almost every time when abad behavior.
newbie is working on a self-defense technique,This isn't always possible when the person
their bodies contort and twist and bend and go sobehaving badly is your boss. I once had a Senior
off-balance that there's no way they could defendVice President call me and shout, "Your job is to
themselves in a real-life violent encounter.SERVE!"
One of the reasons Chen Tai Chi (the originalNo one in upper management wanted to deal with
form of Tai Chi -- the style that I practice) is sothis person, so I decided to begin looking for
strict about body mechanics and structure is thisanother job and within a few months, I found
quest for wuji. If you train yourself to recognizeone. I returned to a balanced state of wuji.
when you're in a state of balance, then practiceThis is also an important concept at home.
the techniques that allow you to maintain balanceSpouses can sometimes become angry -- it can't
while throwing your opponent off-balance, you willbe avoided anytime people live together. Your
eventually achieve skill. In a state of balance, youreaction to that anger is crucial. I have learned by
can defend from all directions.following the principles of Tai Chi to react with
One of the things I've been working on with mycalmness instead of tension, and remain centered
students lately is the ability to relax whenwhile my wife lets off steam.
attacked. Our first reaction when force comesIt's when you react with anger that tension
toward us is to tense up. That comes naturally --escalates. With practice, however, you can learn
we've done it all our lives. It's a very difficult habitto remain calm and centered, react by returning
to break. We become stiff and unyielding (tooto balance, and becoming the safety valve that
"yang"), when the best course of action is almostlets the steam escape. Inevitably, the person who
always to relax, yield, and then overcome -- ais angry calms down and even apologizes for their
combination of yin and yang.behavior.
One day in Chicago, I did push hands with MasterIf you have a spouse who enjoys pushing your
Chen Bing, one of the best young Tai Chi mastersbuttons in a destructive way, that's a different
in the world (he's in his 30s). Every time I pushedstory. You should still remain centered, but you
at him, he relaxed and I couldn't find a target. Mymay never find real balance unless the spouse
hand would slip off. Before I knew it, he wouldchanges or until the relationship changes.
make a small movement that would cause me toWhether it is a physical attack or an emotional
lose my balance.one, your life and health will improve when you
This also applies to verbal and emotional attacks.use the principles of Tai Chi to maintain a state of
At work, at home, even on the street or inbalance and harmony, and when you don't give
traffic, some people will attempt to attack youthe attacks a place to land. In this way, you can
with words or actions. Often, they are intentionallymaintain or return to a state of wuji.