| At various times, loneliness is the scourge of | | | | very similar needs. Become an expert at |
| everyone from the young, old, incarcerated and | | | | developing many specific behaviors that meet |
| homeless to children, shut-ins, and to the rich and | | | | those four needs. |
| the poor. No one is immune from its grasp. It | | | | 5. Monitor your negative self-talk. How you talk to |
| occurs because of a host of conditions: | | | | yourself about who you are and how you feel |
| abandonment, death, divorce, alcoholism, | | | | about yourself can add to loneliness or begin to |
| geographical relocation, no communication (living | | | | diminish it. Loneliness is triggered by our own |
| together loneliness), and the lack of human | | | | thoughts and attitudes. The power of belief that |
| contact, to name a few. | | | | you can diminish loneliness is enormous. Tell |
| Loneliness also manifests in various forms: | | | | yourself you are going to beat it. |
| cognitive (no one with similar intellectual interests | | | | 6. Determine the time when you feel most alone |
| and values to interact with), behavioral (no one to | | | | and start rearranging your schedule to fill those |
| go places and do things with), and emotional (one | | | | hours as much as possible. If weekends are the |
| believes he/she is unloved, all alone, and without | | | | worst, factor in your schedule things you can do |
| emotional support). Sometimes, mourners suffer | | | | to fill those hours. |
| from all three. | | | | 7. Beware of some of the beliefs and myths that |
| Here are nine ways to confront your loneliness | | | | bring confusion, disappointment and maximize |
| and change your perception of it. | | | | loneliness. Here are a few that have crept into our |
| 1. Build your inner life. Most of the experts on | | | | culture. I must conceal my fear of forever being |
| loneliness agree that the basis for managing it | | | | lonely; there's something wrong with me to feel |
| begins with self-development--strengthening your | | | | this way. I won't be loved. Nobody would want to |
| inner life, recognizing your importance, and loving | | | | be my friend. Others living alone are doing so well. |
| yourself. Specifically, make improvements on your | | | | The group fun myth: fun only happens in twos or |
| ability to spend time with yourself, then with | | | | more. The perfect friendship myth: a good friend |
| others. Make your self-talk more positive. | | | | agrees with you on everything. Discard this |
| Start by changing your belief that loneliness is | | | | rubbish. |
| something that happens from the outside, to: it is | | | | 8. Develop solo activities that can be enjoyed |
| essentially something we do to ourselves. The | | | | each day. There are many things that you can |
| bottom line is, we can reduce our sense of | | | | employ as a regular part of daily routines. Do |
| loneliness since we created it. | | | | Yoga, Tai Chi, draw, or do art work. Plan a daily |
| 2. Acknowledge loneliness and discuss it with | | | | stress break using sounds of the sea audio tapes. |
| others. Like any other problem, get it out in the | | | | Read. Play a musical instrument. Send email. And, |
| open. Talk to others who have had to deal with it. | | | | most important, take a walk. Download music or |
| Model someone living alone who copes well. Look | | | | interviews on an ipod to listen to. Renew each |
| for help from your church, school, social center, | | | | day by being in a natural setting. |
| and friends. Read. Go for it. Start your | | | | 9. Begin immediately to generate breakthroughs. |
| anti-loneliness program with a major commitment: | | | | Breakthroughs are doing the things your loved |
| "I am taking action." | | | | one or others did for you, that you should now |
| 3. Work at reducing social isolation. Loneliness | | | | do for yourself, or things you have never done |
| becomes a major stressor because of a lack of | | | | by yourself before. Here are some that other |
| human interaction. Start finding ways to meet | | | | mourners have done. Fill your own gas tank and |
| others. Join a bowling league, square dance club, | | | | take your car for servicing; take a day trip; eat |
| book or Bible club, or become a library or hospital | | | | at a restaurant alone; put out the rubbish; plan |
| aid. Start going to brown bag lectures, women's | | | | ahead to deal with bad days; try the "pet |
| centers and athletic clubs or take a course on a | | | | connection;" go on an Elderhostel trip; go to a |
| subject you like. Go to various interest groups. | | | | movie by yourself; plan a party for one: yourself. |
| Volunteer. Reach out. | | | | After you successfully make a breakthrough, |
| 4. Work on your social skills and developing new | | | | celebrate. Tell yourself you are gaining, changing, |
| friendships. You can never have too many friends. | | | | and are proud of your progress. |
| Habitually initiate conversation. Become an expert | | | | Again, in the final analysis, you can change |
| in recognizing and meeting these four needs that | | | | loneliness to solitude and social isolation to essential |
| everyone wants including you: attention (a | | | | interaction with others--every day. The moment |
| telephone call, use the person's name when you | | | | you awake, you have a choice of the attitude |
| meet, remember birthdays, etc.) acceptance | | | | you will take into the day. Seize on the take |
| (regardless of how a person looks), appreciation | | | | action attitude to interact, reach out, and heal. It |
| (thank you notes, sincere compliments), and | | | | requires effort and wise choices. If you invest |
| affection (hug, smile, say I love you). | | | | yourself in others, loneliness will shrink into the |
| We all have individual needs but we also have | | | | background. |