Pygmy Or Big Me, Which Me Shall I Be?

My husband Tom and I recently enjoyed agenerally dissed. My great dis-covery over the
weekend workshop with Al Huang, ayears has been that I was doing that to myself -
world-renowned philosopher and Tai Chi masterI was dissing myself, I was belittling myself.
who has toured with Sammy Davis Jr. and hungAn even greater discovery is that I am so much
with the Dalai Lama. We have attended his yearlymore than the 'little me'. We all are so much
workshop in Santa Barbara for nine years. He is amore. Our life force is vast. That vast self wants
'chi'leader extraordinaire, encouraging and excitingto be here, to be seen, to express through us.
us to come alive and open to our Big ME, Big CHI,Even little Dennis the Menace has an inkling of his
Big WOW selves. He teaches Tai Chi in a wayBig Self. In a cartoon, Dennis is sitting in a corner,
that invites, ignites, and unites the realms ofbeing punished, and with a scowl on his face he
Heaven, Earth, and Human, helping us to boldlyproclaims, "I'm Dennis! THAT's who I am. THAT's
embody our vast life force, and inspiring thewhat I shoulda said!"
question, "Just how big and how vibrantly alive canThe real question is, "Who do you KNOW you
we let ourselves be?"are?" That knowing, that remembrance of my Big
He talked about his friend, Ram Dass, who wroteSoul Self is the most important thing in my life.
the book Be Here Now - a very important bookSince my recent experience with cancer, it has
for me that helped jump-start my stalled lifebecome even more important. Every day I invite
force in my early twenties. Al told us he wasand unite with my vast energy field by doing daily
going to talk with Ram Dass the next day. Ipractices. In the morning I dance, moving up and
thought, I'd love to give Al the book I wrotedown, backward and forward, side to side, inward
called Be Here Meow - Enlightening Lessonsand outward, embracing, balancing and flowing
Learned from my Feline Friends. It contains somewith All That Is. Every afternoon I go for a walk
of the juicy philosophy and humor that Al wasand feel and affirm, "My feet kiss the Earth with
sharing with us and I thought he might get a kickevery step" and likewise "The Earth kisses my
out of it. Maybe he'd even tell Ram Dass about itfeet with every step." As I walk, I imagine the
- how cool would that be! Dare I do that? Thetop of my head opening like a funnel, receiving
'little me' was quaking in my Crocks...who do Ilove and guidance from above - I am taking my
think I am? But Al had done his job well, andvast energy field for a walk, I am walking my
during the last break of the weekend workshop,God.
filled with the Big Chi of the Big Me, I walked upA few years ago there was a man on the Oprah
to him and gave him my book. He laughed at theshow talking about a plane crash he survived. He
title, and shared with me his appreciation for thesaid that as the plane was careening towards a
cats in his life, and thanked me for the book. As Iviolent crash he looked back at the people on the
walked away my energy field fluffed out like anplane and saw a big bright light around some
excited feline and you could almost hear mepeople, and lesser degrees of light around others.
purring!He was profoundly struck by that, and in that
"Who do you think you are?" is a commonmoment he vowed that if he lived, he would live
question of the 'little me', the pygmy. I am awarehis life fully, shining the full brightness of his life
of times I have pulled my energy in, minimizingforce.
myself, virtually disappearing myself. People haveOur life force energy has a dimmer switch, and
actually bumped into me as if I weren't there! Iwe are in control of that switch. Just how big,
have super powers of invisibility! What do I gethow bright, how alive can we let ourselves be? It
out of that? I get to be safe, to fly below theis our choice -- brighter or dimmer, pygmy or Big
radar, to be a fly on the wall. But it creates aMe. The great challenge is to become more and
backlash - the fly becomes a hornet as mymore comfortable with embodying our vast spirit,
repressed aliveness shouts, "Hey, I'm here!" Likeour vibrant aliveness, our magnificent soul.
Ratso Rizzo (Dustin Hoffman) in Midnight Cowboy,How about you -- do you feel like a pygmy or a
when he pounded on the hood of the car thatBig Me? Where is your dimmer switch turned to?
almost ran him down, saying, "I'm walking here!I invite us all to dare to turn up our light, to let
I'm walking here!" It's that feeling of beingour Big Soul Self shine through us, to be here
disrespected, disappeared, discounted, justfully, be here NOW, and be here WOW!