The Lesson of a Mother's Death

Dedicated to my mother, Florenceof living I am now motherless, that I no longer
November 11, 1920 - May 25, 2005have a Mum with whom to have tea. This is not
The Passing of the Torcha thought that I can comprehend. I am trying to
She lies in peaceful repose on her back with herleave the room but keep going back to her to
hands, one atop the other, gently resting on hergive her one more kiss telling her I just can't
tummy. Those hands that loved to play the piano,leave her. I know I must but it is the most
taught me how to make the most delicious fudge,difficult thing I have ever done. How can she just
brushed my hair, held hundreds of books,be gone? The one constant in my life since the
gracefully parted the air during Tai Chi practice,day I was born? This is so surreal. My mind just
pounded a career of typewriters, peeled logs incannot wrap around it.
preparation for their new home, produced many aDeath is so FINAL. Life IS so short. Our lives are
midnight sewing machine creation and, mostfilled with "doing" and yet our most common
importantly, held her children close to her heart.disease is procrastination, as if we will always
Her nurse and youngest daughter dress her in herhave time to get around to it. Never more, in our
mauve outfit, so complementary to her silver hair.time, has the setting of priorities been so
A rose is placed on her chest and special littleimportant. It is so true that when our lives come
mementos from loved ones circle her pillow: Ato a close, among what we may regret most are
fire agate from a firefighter grandson, pictures ofthings we did not do for ourselves or with our
grandchildren and great grandchildren, a small bagloved ones.
of pebbles, a miniature sombrero, a stuffed SugarIs there anything that you have been putting off
Bear, each holding special significance of afor yourself that you know is right and good?
treasured memory.Have you put yourself low on the ladder until
In the three days following the stroke she hadsome project is finished. Are you bowing to the
not regained consciousness. She was waiting forexpectancies of others at your own expense?
us. Her children, several grandchildren and evenWhy not read that book that's been set aside for
two great grandchildren manage to reach her sidemonths while you intend to get to it? Always
to say goodbye. The telephone is placed to herwanted to visit some area of the world, but have
ear while others share their love with her one lastonly just talked about it?
time. My siblings and I hold vigil during those finalYou really can actually set a goal, small or large,
three days, talking to her, holding her hands, givingand make it happen.
kisses and helping the nurses keep herHow about those whom you love? Putting off
comfortable.that call, letter, that visit, that little errand you
On this final day we watch silently as the liftingcould do? How would you feel if that person were
and falling of her breast becomes slower andsuddenly just not here anymore?
more shallow until finally it lifts no more. HerImagine yourself or someone you love facing the
journey is completed and I know that Dad hasend of days right now. What regrets would you
come to get her.have?
I wrap my arms around her still form one lastDon't let death be your cure for procrastination.
time, lay my head on her chest, kiss her cheeksMum was with me when I drew my first breath
and promise her I will still have tea with her everyand I had the honour of being with her when she
Saturday afternoon.took her last. The circle is completed and I have
I am the last family member to spend someno regrets.
private final moments with her. I know that whenGod bless you Mum. 'Till we meet again for
I leave this room I will never see her again. ItHeavenly High Tea, I love you.
strikes me that for the first time in five decades