| There is a difference between a nice guy or gal | | | | validation, it will also loop back into building your |
| (henceforth, "guy" will apply to both) and a guy | | | | personal authority. Rather than thinking you are a |
| that is kind, respectful, generous, and that gets | | | | good person, you'll know that you are a good |
| what he or she wants out of life. Are you tired of | | | | person. Once you truly know it, no one can take |
| being passed up for promotions while doing all the | | | | that away from you. |
| work? Have you heard, "let's just be friends" | | | | 4. Get Comfortable With "No" |
| from romantic interests one too many times? Do | | | | The word "no" to a nice guy is like kryptonite to |
| you have time for everyone else with no time | | | | Superman! Saying yes to every request is a |
| for yourself? Do you believe that you can't be a | | | | hallmark of being a nice guy, and a corner stone |
| good person AND get ahead in life? Listen, you | | | | to their perception illusion strategy. So, why can't |
| don't have to be a jerk to get what you want. | | | | a nice guy say no? |
| You also don't have to be a push over. Here are | | | | Nice guys view "no" as rejection, which is the |
| 5 things to consider to finish in first place without | | | | very thing nice guys are trying to avoid by being |
| sacrificing good nature. | | | | nice. So, they say yes to everything, even when |
| 1. Choose Truth Over Image | | | | they are blatantly being taken advantage of, so |
| Nice guys want to be perceived as nice guys in | | | | they can continue the perception of being nice by |
| every situation, all the time, and with all people. | | | | not rejecting anyone. Nice guys need to |
| This need to support an image drives the nice | | | | understand that saying no to a request is |
| guy to hide his or her sometimes not so nice | | | | perfectly acceptable. Reasons stemming from |
| opinions, even when he is in the right. | | | | time constraints to knowing they are being taken |
| Unfortunately, it is during times when a nice guy | | | | advantage of are acceptable reasons for saying |
| refuses to stand up for himself by choosing to | | | | no. Remember, just because you reject the |
| grin and bear it that he establishes himself as a | | | | request doesn't mean you are rejecting the |
| push over. | | | | person! |
| Rather than focusing on protecting your image, | | | | The other thing is that nice guys get rejected |
| focus instead on expressing your true thoughts | | | | anyway, despite always going above and beyond |
| and feelings at the right times. You can stand up | | | | for others. When a nice guy says yes to |
| for yourself in a polite and respectful manner. | | | | everything he is asked to do, he is being a |
| When that doesn't work, you can also be a more | | | | pushover and will be treated as such. So, when |
| assertive while remaining calm and still be | | | | the nice guy asks for a favor, promotion, date or |
| regarded as nice. People expect you to stand up | | | | assistance, they are often rejected. People feel |
| for yourself. When you don't, people's perception | | | | comfortable rejecting nice guys because they |
| of you will change from nice guy to pushover. | | | | know the nice guy will accept that |
| 2. Exude Personal Authority | | | | rejection...well...nicely! Also, the nice guy will always |
| You have to become a person of strength and | | | | be valued as less in other people's eyes, which is |
| character. Strength of this nature is rooted in self | | | | the very reason others feel comfortable taking |
| -confidence and high self-esteem. The natural | | | | advantage of them. |
| expression of this inner confidence is personal | | | | When you really can't or don't want to do |
| authority. | | | | something someone asks you to do, respectfully |
| Personal authority is that critical element that is | | | | decline without a moment's guilt. You'll feel even |
| often key in attraction. Employers look for it | | | | better about the times you say yes, because |
| when hiring. Customers look for it to gain a sense | | | | those actions will flow from your heart and not |
| of security and trust. Social groups look for | | | | from perception manipulation or rejection |
| personal authority in leaders for direction and | | | | avoidance. |
| stability. With personal authority, people will want | | | | 5. Don't Shy Away From Conflict |
| to be around you. You will be seen as the "go to" | | | | Last, but certainly not least, don't shy away from |
| guy, and personal authority allows you choice | | | | conflict. Wherever there are people, there will be |
| when dating. | | | | conflict. Opinions differ. Thoughts and feelings |
| With personal authority, you have the self worth | | | | vary. Emotions sometime run high. Regardless of |
| to go after what you want. Others want to help | | | | how nice you are or how much you want to |
| you because they respect you. All the while, you | | | | avoid conflict, it will find you. Don't shy away from |
| maintain a positive perception from others. You | | | | it, surrender without so much as a whisper, or |
| can be a great person with high integrity and a | | | | allow yourself to be taken advantage of. Stand up |
| deep seeded need to do the right thing while | | | | for yourself with calmness and assertive. Standing |
| expressing inner strength through personal | | | | up for yourself does not mean that you are not a |
| authority. In fact, true personal authority can be | | | | nice guy. It just means that you have an opinion |
| present only if you are a good person. | | | | or feeling that is worth hearing. By keeping it to |
| 3. Stop Seeking Validation | | | | yourself, you miss an opportunity to express the |
| Nice guys perpetually seek validation from other | | | | truth about how you feel in that moment. |
| people. They believe their self worth is rooted in | | | | Conflict doesn't have to mean yelling, chastising, |
| other people's opinion of them. They want to be | | | | criticizing or being disrespectful. Conflict simply |
| viewed as being nice. The problem is that other | | | | means that there is disagreement or a clash |
| people will actively hold back that validation to get | | | | between ideas, beliefs or people. Standing up for |
| what they want from a nice guy. As a nice guy, | | | | yourself and your position is a great way to get |
| other people get you to do what they want with | | | | the respect nice guys so desperately attempt to |
| the prize of you being recognized as a nice guy, | | | | receive by just going along to get along. |
| whether you really wanted to do what you did or | | | | Conflict is natural and will occur. How you address |
| not. | | | | it will help in defining you to others. Do you want |
| You don't need other people to tell you that you | | | | to be defined as a push over? Would you rather |
| are a nice guy. If you know that you are doing | | | | be defined as one who can "hold their own," and |
| the best you can with what you have to help | | | | get what you want out of life with integrity and |
| those around you and you treat people with | | | | respect? Perhaps the first choice one can make |
| respect, then recognize that in yourself. That is | | | | on their track to being rehabilitated as a nice guy |
| enough. When you turn to yourself for such | | | | is to make the decision to change. |